


Maybe, Baby

by Little_Firestar84



Category: New Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Firestar84/pseuds/Little_Firestar84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Season 2 AU- When Jess discovers that her time for getting pregnant is running out, the guys offer their help so that she could get her heart's desire before it was too late. But only one of them really needs to be a daddy to Jessica Day's child... because for Nick Miller, it could be the closest he would ever get to a real relationship with Jess. Art is @  <br/><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Het_Big_Little_Bang_2013/works/943940"> Maybe, baby, By Casper.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [casper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/casper/gifts).



> Written for the het_bigbang here and on livejournal. Thanks to Amy Bixby for betaing and to casper for the art provided.

She couldn't believe that CeCe was so calm. Jess was practically jumping. She couldn't stand still, her palms were sweating. And at her side, CeCe was all... calm and quiet. And she was smiling. Actually smiling. Like... ugh. She didn't want to think about it. Her mind was filled with enough dark, evil thoughts. After all, she was 30, single, had just started a new job and, according to stats,she had already lost 90% of her eggs. Best case scenario. 

And CeCe was smiling.

And... why wasn't Sadie talking? She wasn't supposed to just look at the screen of her computer with a little smile that didn't reach her eyes. Jess didn't like that kind of smile on doctors. It felt too polite, kind, and yet forced. In other words, their way of bringing bad news. 

She knew it. All she had wanted to do with her life was to be a teacher and love a kid of her own, to provide the family she never had growing up to her baby. And now... now the dream was no more. All because that idiot of Spencer had to go and cheat on her after six years. Six. Freaking. Years.

(Ok, the idea of a baby with Spencer was kind of a nightmare, now that she thought about it....)

"Well....Cecilia.... your results are off the chart. I don't know how you can do that, but they are astounding for someone your age! I've never seen a 30 years old woman walking with so many eggs!"

CeCe smiled, blushing a little, and biting her lips. It was clear she was uncomfortable, not because of the whole egg count thing, but because she hated, absolutely hated, that they had caught her being relieved that she had still so many years in front of her before giving up her solo life. She wasn't ready to be a mother yet, but she knew that one day she was going to do exactly that. One way or another, even if in her own way, she was going to follow into her mother's footsteps. Getting married. Having a child or two of her own. Leaving the job and becoming a stay at home wife. Only, the job she was going to give up on was modeling, and she was going to get married because of love, not because the parents had decided for her and her better half to join in the holy bonds of marriage. She didn't know who he was going to be, even if a part of her still dreamt of Schmidt being the father. 

"Oh, CeCe, you are the eggs Queen!" Jess told her friend, smiling happily, her happiness increased by the blush on CeCe' s cheeks. It was a clear sign (to Jess) that she was thinking about the pregnancy scare she and Schmidt had a year before. "You are the queen, queen of the eggs!" she sing-sang, turning back to face Sadie with a happy smile. 

It was impossible that there was going to be bad news, right? They were both fine, and Nick was going to be, for once, right. She was going to meet someone, she was going to fall in love and either get married _and_ have a baby afterward or vice versa. He was right. Everything was going to end well. She was going to be fine. She was going to have her baby and her family and not live in an apartment where there were four people instead of the three allowed.

He just had to be right, for once. She wasn't exactly a religious person, but for once she found herself praying. Sadie kept still silent, so it couldn't begood news, but maybe it was just her way of passing of time while under duress or stress. Maybe it was all in her mind and in truth Sadie had just talked with CeCe.

Yep. It had to be that way. No way in hell it was any different. It just... it couldn't be.

"Jessica...." Sadie started, and just at the mere mention of her full name, she started crying. The full name was never a good sign. Like Sadie's sad expression. "Honey, do you want to talk about it in private?" the doctor asked, reaching out for her friend from her spot, a hand on Jess' forearm.The brunette just shook her head, no, sniffing, trying to say between sobs that it was all right, the she wanted-actually, she thought she had used the word _needed-_ CeCe there. They were friends, maybe even closer to some kind of weird and crazy sisterhood, and they didn't have any secrets between them any longer. She wasn't going to put this between them, not after they had fought about secrets because her friend liked ( _liked_!) Schmidt.

"Jess, There's no easy way to say it, so I'll be direct. The test shows that you suffer from what we call Premature Menopause... but, it's in an early stage, and we can still..."

"Stop it? Reverse it?" she asked, very hopeful, suddenly feeling a tiny spark, buried deep within her, coming back to life, shining as bright as a star. Maybe her dream could still become true. Maybe there was still hope for her. The husband and the kid, maybe even two kids, a boy who was going to take after his irresistible father and a girl just like her. A house with a white fence. A cat and a dog. Maybe she could still have it all. Everything she had been denied while growing up because of her parents' divorce, she still could have it. She could still give that perfect, movie-like family to a tiny, perfect child of her own. Maybe, after all, Nick was right. 

But the tiny star died as soon as Jess allowed her gaze to linger on Sadie's sad and defeated features. It was the same look her mother had when she told her precious daughter that her beloved granny was no more, and in that moment Jessica Day finally was hit by the harsh reality. Nick was wrong. She knew he had lied to her because she knew that look. Sadie was mourning with her a child that was never going to be. 

CeCe took her left, and Sadie her right, and they both hugged her while she cried, burying her head in the crook of the doctor's neck, until Sadie’s lab coat was damp, and even then, Jess couldn’t stop sobbing.

CeCe buried her head in Jess’ dark curls, crying with her, and Sadie patted her back. Jess heard words, but she couldn't make them out, nor understand what her friends were telling her. She was still in shock. She felt devastated, like a failure as a woman.

And as much as Sadie was telling her that they could still buy themselves time, she didn't care. Because her time was up, whatever her friend was saying. She was 30 years old, single, living with three male roommates and she was currently on minimum salaryon anew job.

Yep. Her time was up. She could kiss her dream of the picture perfect family goodbye. 


	2. Chapter Two

Sadie gave her the news, and calmly explained what she could do and how they could proceed. According to the test, she still had few years left to try to get pregnant on her own before losing all of her eggs, and then there were drugs, she explained, and she could also try improving her diet. Sugar was to become her enemy number one, for example. And that was the only thing Jess clearly heard. Like her life wasn't bad enough. 30, single, living with 3 boys, minimum salary, almost zero chances of getting pregnant and now she had to give up on sugar too. No chocolate, no cookies, no ice cream. Bye, bye pies. Say goodbye to your handmade cupcakes, Jessica. 

Other than that... she felt numb. Void. 

It was a new sensation, different from anything she had ever felt before. She felt.... she guessed it was some kind of twisted betrayal, but she wasn't sure. All she could see was the nothingness, the void. CeCe and Sadie were there, and yet it was like she was all alone, lost in the woods like Little Red Hood or Snow White. 

She left her chair in complete silence, and literally turned up on her heels and left the room, without acknowledging her friends' plea, nor listening to the receptionist asking her from afar if she was interested in booking another appointment. 

_No. Pregnant ladies book appointments. And I'll never carry a child of my own,_ she wanted to scream, but she didn't. The words died in her throat, and it was like someone had robbed her of her own voice. 

A psychologist probably would have said that she didn't want to admit the truth because, otherwise, it would have been real. And she wasn't ready yet to acknowledge such a fact, despite knowing that it was exactly what Sadie had stated. 

Besides... as nice as that receptionist was, she couldn't talk with her. This waspersonal, and if Jessica Day was going to have a nervous breakdown... well, she wasn't going to do it in public. Not this time. Not like this. 

And she just... she couldn't stomach facing the very pregnant Sadie, or CeCe, the Queen of the Eggs. 

What she needed right now was something the two women couldn't provide, not after such a shocking news. She needed time, not on her own, but away from them. For a short while, at least. She needed to get back in some kind of control of her emotions - not her specialty, but she had seen better days- and she needed to be reasonable about this whole (lack of) baby thing. 

And what she needed right now was Nick's grumpiness and his negativity towards all things life; it was Schmidt and his golden boy heart well hidden by his douchebag attitude and Winston being simply himself, the one who could take charge when needed.

Right now Jessica Day didn't need her girlfriends, but her guys.

 

The loft was empty when she came back home, and of that, she was glad. She prepared a speech, and, even a song and one of her little dances, just in case (mostly because she still wanted for them to see her as Jess, and, _ehy, guess what? I'll never have a baby but it's no big deal!),_ but deep down, she was simply grateful to be alone with her pain for just a bit longer.

She sat on a stool, alone with the silence, busy caressing her belly: her uterus was as empty as her life was going to be. She was going to be an old, unmarried woman, busy raising cats and looking crazier than she normally did nowadays. Or maybe she was going to end up as she was almost positive Nick would eventually: an old scary person, full of regrets and hate, screaming at the kids running in front of her yard. 

Who was going to marry a 30 something who couldn't have any children? No one, that was who. Finding out after the marriage was one thing, but before? It was just a no-no. Men got married to start a family, not to see if they'll be able to adopt one day because their wife can't create life like any other woman did. 

Damn the test. It was all the test's fault. And Sadie's because she had told her of the test. And it's her own fault because she had been the one talking CeCe into taking it in the first damn place. 12 hours before she had been fine, just a bit freaked out. 3 days before she had been even better, when she didn't know a thing about early menopause and reduction of the 90% of eggs before the age of 30 and so on. Now, her life was a living hell.

She scanned the room looking for something to do, and her eyes fell on the black, full sack of garbage, the same garbage shehad "produced" early that day. She moved toward it like on autopilot, and took everything out, sorting the contents. She didn't mind getting rid of the cereals and the sauces, they weren't unhealthy just for a baby but for the people of 4-D too, but she had to admit that Nick was right. A micro-wave oven was what made burritos so good, and now that there was no issue of fertility, she could come back to few of her old habits. 

Nick arrived shortly after she had put the piece of furniture back where it used to belong, but he didn't seem surprised. He grinned, of that grin she loved so much... well, at least, that she _liked_ so much. Love was too much of a strong word, but...well, she _did_ feel something weird. But Nick was her friend first, and her roommate. And she (kind of) loved him and the guys, and they loved her back. Things were pretty perfect- until a few hours before, at least- and she had promised herself that she wasn't going to ruin it for... for _Nick._ She knew that she wanted him, that he was the kind of guy she liked to date. She also knew that they had that connection, that spark (that lacked with both Russell and Paul) and that they cared about each other (something that she didn't have with Sam, who was interested in sex, her body and sex again). But she didn't know if this, and the knowledge that Nick felt the same in some way, was enough to risk it all. She was happy there, in the loft, with the guys and CeCe coming over every now and then, as happy as she hadn’t been in a while (especially since she moved in with Spence. She hadn't been happy with him, which was why she had hoped that spicing up their sex life could....help).

"What, we aren't worried any longer about our children's health?" He asked her casually, jokingly (and she realized that it was an innocent joke for him, and it just wasn't his fault, but she really couldn't help it) and just like that, she started crying like she hadn't in a long time. It wasn't a "let's listen to time of our life" or "do you want to watch Dirty Dancing with me 12 times a day?" kind of cry. It was a lot worse.It was deep and real, and it made her wish to just run into her room and hide under her covers to never be seen again. She felt vain, childish and stupid, because she had cried for senseless things, and this was so important, that was something worth crying over. She wondered if that was the reason she couldn't feel her tears. Maybe she had cried too much in the past and now she had run out of them?

She realized in the back of her mind that she was having an attack of some kind- panic? Nervous? Hysteric? - but she seemed unable to stop it and came back to reality. Maybe she didn't want to. Reality wasn't good, and Nick was right: life sucked big time. 

(He should have been right about the whole baby making thing, not this, never, ever this!)

She felt his arms around her, his warmth invading her whole being, his breathing soothing on her skin, but she didn't want it. She didn't need any of this. She hit, and hit and hit him some more, his chest and his shoulders, with closed fists, she tried to break free, unable to control herself, but he didn't want to have any of that. He kept holding her, caressing her skin, her face, her hair despite the fact that yes, she was hurting him. But he wasn't stupid. He knew Jess. She would never hurt him. Not if she wasn't hurting ten times more inside. 

Schmidt and Winston tried to grab her for the shoulders, to separate them, but they soon desisted (when did they arrived? Was that smell actually sweat?), they were holding each other too strongly, like for dear life, like desperately, almost clinging.

Soon she found herself surrounded by what her mother used to call a hug-ball, but this simple thing didn't bring a smile to her as it would have done in the past. Because she wasn't going to have a little child of her own to teach such a thing to, her mother wasn't going to be a grandma and she was going to be alone and sad until her last breath.

What felt like hours later, she fell asleep on the couch, calmed down but still sobbing. Nick was at her right, still holding and caressing her, Schmidt at her left, his head on her shoulder, and Winston sat on the coffee table, caressing her knee.

The guys were all she needed right now. Tomorrow, she was going to think about the rest. But right now, the only thing that mattered was that they were going to be there for her, no matter what. 

Her guys.

 


	3. Chapter Three

When Jess woke up, she admitted it was a tiny bit creepy. She had been moved to her bed sometime during the night (she so wasn't going to think how embarrassing it was that one of the guys had taken her in their arms) and when she woke up, already tired, at half past nine, all three of them were standing at the foot of the bed, staring at her, worried. She felt like a caged animal at the zoo, and she promised herself to never, ever go to see those poor creatures again. Because, if that was how they felt...well, she didn't envy them. Not a tiny bit. 

And then, just like that, the fog of sleepiness that had been hugging her mind vanished, and she remembered why she had cried so much the previous day and why the guys were looking at her like she was crazy. But at least, she was crying, right? It was better than the reaction she had had at Sadie's, when she felt.... nothing. 

That was one of the steps of mourning, right? Even as she thought if there was anything to mourn for. It wasn't like someone she cared about had died. She hadn't lost a baby. She had just...she simply wasn't going to see her dreams coming true. But it wasn't like she had known beforehand that they were going to come true, so it wasn't like it was that rational that she was in mourning and....

God. She hated her life. Her life was a mess. And her mind and soul.... even worse.

"Do you think that what she has could be contagious?" Schmidt asked, his eyes fixed on her. The other two looked at him like they could kill him, mentally reminding themselves to offer the jar afterward because of his insensitivity. "Maybe there's some kind of virus running amok at Sadie's. God... I need to call her office...I could have some kind of weird female virus ready to explode or… or... guys, do you think Sadie performs illegal experiments? Maybe she drugs her costumers and then illegally impregnates them to make people believe all that stuff about alien abductions... damn it... guys... do you think that Sadie hypnotizes people and then takes advantage of them? Oh my... maybe she violated both me and Jess while we had our feet in the stirrups! Or maybe... be honest. Do you think that what happened in that horrible Swartzenegger movie could be possible?" he asked them in distress, but with a rare seriousness, real concern. He almost looked on the verge of crying. Or of having a nervous breakdown. Or both. "Do you think that I could be... you know... pregnant?" he asked, all serious and dramatic, like it could actually be a real thing. 

And, just like that, Jess started to cry. And not any cry. It was kind of... scary and glass-shattering. She sounded loud and desperate, she looked like she was a fountain. It was worse than when she had been watching Dirty Dancing 3 to 7 times a day, during the first month she had lived with them.

"JAR, SCHMIDT, JAR, JAR, JAR!" Nick screamed at the top of his lungs, pointing at the door, hoping that taking the offensive towards his so-called best friend could be of help in getting Jess to stop crying. He didn't like having people around him crying, but when it was her, it was even worse. AND he wasn't even going to try to explain to himself why it was so. Like he didn't like to talk about fee... _emotions_ with the rest of the human race, he didn't like thinking about them too. Feelings represented the unknown. No one could say what was going to happen, if they were going to change or what, and he was scared of the unknown, of the uncertainty. And if he didn't take the risk... he couldn't get hurt. 

"Jess, Jess, calm down, the big, bad man is gone....see? Schmidt is no longer here with us! Is it better? Yes it is! C'mon Jess, smile for us! Please?" he sat on the bed next to her, awkwardly patting her back, but he didn't get the reaction he was waiting for. Not even a tiny, little smile. He looked at Winston, like silently asking what he was supposed to do, but the other man just shook his head. He was in the dark too. It was bad enough dealing with women, but with Jess... Jessica Day was the weirdest of the weird ones; she was unknown territory even for the ones close to her. Maybe CeCe could have known what to do about it, but it wasn't like they could call her and tell to come over. Not with Schmidt that had just had an epiphany about his deep feelings for her, not when she didn't want him any longer after he had called things off because he was scared of admitting that he had feelings and...

God. They were such a mess!

"Jess....what's wrong?" Nick guessed that where humor had failed, finesse could get the better out of them, so he simply rubbed, tenderly, the skin of her shoulder, and spoke with a soft, low voice, very concerned. Yes, he guessed Jess needed to be with the guys right now, for whatever reason, but more than that, she needed her friends. 

She turned on her side, so that she could at least see Nick. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk eye to eye, but it was better than being turned toward Winston. She loved him like a brother, and hey, he was probably the most normal of the group, but she just didn't feel like sharing this with him. It wasn't like they weren't close. It was just that, she had more things in common with Nick. Not that he could really, really understand what she felt like, but, they were an odd pair, it was just that. 

"Sadie..." She started, sobbing, her voice broken by tears and sobs. "The test says that I have just few fertility years left. Three or four, maximum."

"Oh, Jess..." he tenderly told her, caressing her dark curls. Part of Nick desperately wanted to just take her in his arms and make it all go away, but he knew that life didn't work that way. He was mad at everything. At Sadie, at the damn test, at life, and even at himself. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that Jess was thinking again and again and again about his words. He had told her that she had time, that she was going to do it the right way. She was going to meet a guy, they would fall in love, get married and have a baby. But what if it didn't happen in those three years? He had lied to her. It hadn't been intentional, it wasn't his fault, but he was still mad with himself. 

"What if I don't meet him in those three years? I can't afford to get my eggs frozen, nor a fertility clinic, and even if I could, what if it's like in that Jennifer Lopez movie, when she meets Alex O'Laughlin after she had been inseminated? Oh God... I will never have a family! I just wanted to have a family, that's all I ever asked, and now I can't because my stupid body doesn't want to create life! I told CeCe that only the evil and odd eggs were left, but she didn't believe me! She didn't, and that's the result!" As soon as she stopped her rant, she started to cry yet again, this time hiding her face in the crock of Nick's neck, wetting his shirt and staining it with the leftover of the make-up of the previous day. For the young man the whole thing was getting rather uncomfortable, but still he just patted her back, looking at his childhood friend for advice. Advice Winston couldn't provide with in any form.

"Gentlemen and lady (and please note that I just used the correct grammatical form), I don't understand why this whole drama. The solution, my friends, is right before our eyes." Schmidt started, indicating himself as soon as he re-entered the room. "Our beloved Jessica says that, now that she has just few years left to populate the world with her offspring, she can't afford the services of a clinic. But what if she had to pay just Sadie's 40 dollars? Insemination isn't normally covered by insurances but pre-natal check-ups are. And trust me, I know what I am talking about. My office is filled with women who are or have been pregnant. They are so desperate for attention, they talk, and talk, and talk some more... worse than listening to Nick moping after his last break-up."

"Hey! We are not here to talk about me! We are not supposed to talk about my lack of relationships! We are here for her, for Jess! We are supposed to talk about her, all right?" 

Schmidt just rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief at his friend's refusal to admit the truth. 

"Anyway, Jess" he continued. "This is a problem easily solved. I'm going to man up and do the right thing, because I hear your feelings, and I want for you to have a baby."

"What?" she asked with a low, sniffing voice as Schmidt sat beside her on the bed and grabbed her cheek like she was a child and he was her annoying aunt. 

Nick was glaring at him and mentally imagining all the ways to kill his best friend and get away clean with murder in the first degree. Because, frankly? He had a vague suspicion of where this was going, and he didn't like it, not a bit. He had almost killed Schmidt when Jess had tried to sneak into his room to have a one night stand (and back then, it hadn't been completely his own fault), and he had even gotten a step closer to success when the douchebag who he called a friend tried to kiss her. Sleeping with Jess to father a child with her? 

No, no, no, no, no, NO! 

"I have tadpoles of the Gods, Jess, and I am going to give them to you. You can have them all, because this is how much I love you. So, Jess... accept my sperm." he said, completely serious. Which was kind of scary.

Hey, hey, hey, wait a sec. If someone is gonna fertilize Jess, it should be me. With her beautiful, big blue eyes and my Blair Underwood skin, we'll have the most beautiful baby on the planet." 

Nick wasn't sure what to do any longer as soon as he heard his childhood friend talking about impregnating Jess. Winston too? Now, Schmidt, he could understand, but Winston? His best friend among his best friends? The one who was supposed to understand that he was the boyfriend in waiting? No, No, no, no, NO! Why in hell was the world against him, why, why, why?

"Hey, you are right!" Schmidt turned to face Jess, yet again serious, so serious he looked like he was going to reveal something big as... as the cure of cancer. It was unbelievable how... ridiculously stupid he could be at times. "Jess, he is right. Your baby could go to every school you want."

"I WILL LOVE THE BABY WITH ALL MY HEART!" Nick screamed at the top of his lungs, unable to resist any longer. He needed to add his two cents before it was too late. She needed to know that he was supposed to be taken in consideration, too. And, essentially, that was all this was about. And he didn't know what card was left to play. Winston had played genetic, Schmidt the "I'll never have a family of my own because the only woman I ever loved is in love with someone else" card... really, the only thing left to do was showing her how he could... could love someone else. That he was willing to open up his... his heart to... to feelings and... stuff.

Jess looked at him with huge eyes, on the verge of tears, and immediately she jumped in his arms, holding him so forcefully he felt like losing consciousness. 

And that was when it actually hit him: he had just offered to father Jessica Day's child. He didn't know what was going to happen. Part of him wanted for her to accept, while another was genuinely scared. Whatever was going on between the two of them was complicated enough, without adding the presence of a child. A child would have tied them together for life. A child would mean the future, the unknown, responsibility, adult choices. All things he had always been scared of. And yet, a small, hopeful smile graced his features, as images started to fill his mind.

Maybe... it would be all right. Maybe it could end well. Maybe this time he wouldn't screw this up. 

Maybe. Such an hopeful word.

And yet, so damn scary. 

 


	4. Chapter Four

When Jess and the guys sat right before her eyes, explaining what they were thinking of doing, all Sadie could do was stare at them dumbstruck. She didn't know if she wasn't hearing them right or if she simply didn't want to hear them out at all. What they were asking her to do... She didn't have an actual answer for that. Or even just a definition. Crazy? Unethical? They both got close. But they weren't there just yet. 

"Ok, let's see if I got this right. You three, each one of you, you want to, to...." she closed her eyes and gulped down a mouthful of saliva. She couldn't say it out loud. It was too crazy. It couldn't be true. It wasn't happening, not to her, and her respectable office. Nope, no way. It was just a bad dream. Because as crazy as those four were... it was impossible for someone to ask her something like that. Even for them.

"Dammit, Sadie! I thought we were both vagenius! How can you not understand something as simple as this? We all want to take our tadpoles, even if, seriously, do you really need Nicholas'? Anyway, Sadie, we want you take our tadpoles, mix all of them together, and then impregnate our beloved Jess here." Schmidt calmly explained, patting Jess' leg like to emphasize his affirmation. He seemed very proud of himself. Knowing him as Sadie did, she was pretty sure those idiots were followinghisleadwith this absurd idea.

"Sadie, just to let you know. That wasn't my idea. And I would never, ever define his... things tadpoles." Jess explained, trying to sound all adult and casual. Too bad Sadie knew her as well as she did. And Jessica Day didn't know how to put casual and sex in the same period. Yet, she seemed to be following their lead. CeCe was right. You could always count on Schmidt to make everything stupid, and everyone doing as he suggested. 

Well... with the exception of Nick, if her gut was right. The almost lawyer was showing what she had heard Jess define as a "turtle face", his arms were crossed and he looked very annoyed, almost mad, but every timehis gaze lingered a bit more on Jess, his looks softened. It was clear he adored her, actually, according to CeCe, he wasway past being a tiny bit in love with the brunette. And if Sadie's instinct was correct, Nick Miller wasn't in disagreement about Jess getting pregnant. He simply didn't want for his room-mates to be involved as well. 

"I knew what you wanted, Schmidt. I heard it the first two times you said it out loud. I just hoped that it wouldn't be true if I didn't say it too." She calmly explained, like she was talking with a child. Which, with the man in question, wasn't so far from the truth.

"Oh, I knew it." he tried to explain, but the guy was so uncomfortable it was as clear as crystal it was a lie. 

"Anyway, guys... as much as I am sure Jess appreciates your efforts.... I fear it's not possible. The ethical guidelines and the law allow us to use the sperm of one donor and one donor alone. I'm sorry Jess, but you have to choose. But.... on the bright side, you still have time. You are in no rush. Three years is a long time. You don't have to feel like you have to use the sperm of one of those 3 to get pregnant...."

"Are you kidding, Sadie? Three years is nothing at her age! All Jess can do right now is waiting to get old while every cell in her body is slowly dying of old age...." Schmidt calmly said, with a bright smile, like it was something that any sane, normal person would talk about. "Besides, really?The choice is between beautiful half Jewish kids, and beautiful almost white babies. I'd say, let's use a coin. Like Two-Face in Batman and Robin ."

"JAR, SCHMIDT, JAR! SOMEONE GIMME A JAR! RIGHT NOW!" Nick screamed, jumping on his feet and facing Schmidt with a look that alone could kill. He was way past being mad.

"What? C'mon, Nick, I don't need the jar! I was just saying the truth! You can't really expect to take part in this competition. I mean, look at this side of the desk" he said, all proud, smug and arrogant, indicating with his thumb himself and Winston. "And then look at yourself."

"Yeah, well, guess what? You need a jar right now because you shouldn't talk about me this way when I'm present, and also because you used the word vagenius!"

"Oh, Nick, how silly of you! Of course that I can use "vagenius" in a sentence. It's a neologism. And besides, everybody knows that when even just two people say a word, that word exists. And our beloved Sadie here defined me a vagenius just yesterday, so, yeah Nick, I can use the word vagenius and you can bet I will!" He screamed, standing, just to compose himself immediately afterward, starting with his hair. 

"Jess, are you completely sure you want that man to father your child?" Nick asked, going on his knees and patting Jess' hands sweetly. "Remember that the baby will have his genes, all right?"

"Oh, how mature, Nicholas! Playing the Jew card! I thought I knew you, but now I realize that you were just a Nazi. Just like CeCe' s roommate."

"Ehy! I wasn't playing the Jew card! I was actually playing the "you can bet that he can makes everything stupider by just being there" card!"

"Oh, Nick, thanks! There is no need to thank me. You know I will always be there for you."

"IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT, YOU IDIOT! GO LOOKING FOR A JAR RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh, Nicholas, trust me, I will get a jar in an instant. Sadie?" Schmidt chuckled, smiling of a sick, dazzling smile, offering his hand to Sadie. The doctor sighed, but handled him a small container anyway, like a little Tupperware. Soon enough, other two similar jars followed, discharged on the desk before the two other men. 

"The bathroom is the last door on the right. You can ask my secretary for something to...help you out." Sadie explained, gulping down a mouthful of saliva. She felt like she was having a panic attack, and she wasn't even sure why. It wasn't anything new. She had said the same things thousands of times since she had started her job, hell, it was something she had gone through herself too. But there was just something... that made her hyperventilate, about having to discuss these sort of things with the guys.

"Please. I thought you knew that I am a va...."

"DON'T SAY THAT WORD ANY LONGER!" Sadie screamed, her hands on her eyes like to hide the terrible reality. God. One of these days, Schmidt was going to drive her crazy. How did those three manage to live with him? And Nick... he had been living with that... that man for over ten years? Poor soul. She wasn't surprised he wasn't always in his right mind...

"Anyway," she coughed a little, recomposing herself enough to seem a professional. " We will keep your sperm on ice, and conduct few analysis, and then we will decide what.... which one of you will be the lucky daddy, all right?"

Sadie clapped her hands, and stood, ready to show them the exit, and all the while, Nick's eyes stood focused on the small jar in his hand. He wondered if he could do something like Jason Bateman in that idiotic movie Jess had forced him to watch with her just a couple of months before. Was it possible to empty Schmidt and Winston's jars and replace the content with... his stuff? 

God. Just the thought made him sick.

He ran after Winston and Schmidt, catching up with them when they were entering the bathroom. He pushed them inside, and cornered them. Literally. 

"I need you to give up. Now. Tell Jess that you thought things over and you don't feel like being a parent any longer. Or, whatever you want. Just, please, could you give up?"

"What? Sorry man, but I want Jess to have our beautiful babies...."

"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, WINSTON? I THINK YOU SHOULD ALLOW ME TO HAVE JESS' BEAUTIFUL BABIES!"

"I don't know, Nicholas. I fear that, despite Jess being the mother, any child of yours could have the potential to be, well, like you. I fear that not even Cecilia could work such a miracle."

"JAR!" he screamed, deciding, at the last minute, to beg. "In the name of the no nail oath... let me do this. If I can't have her... and, I know I don't deserve her, ok? But... please. Just give me this."

Schmidt and Winston exchanged a look, and their decision was made.

 


	5. Chapter Five

Pregnancy and hetero-sexual baby hormones weren't helping Sadie. She had always been very patient, but in this state she found out there was little she could tolerate. And waiting for Nicholas Miller to bring in his... stuff... to get over with the whole thing wasn't among those things.

Ten, fifteen minutes? That, she could tolerate. But she was positive that not even a saint, not even the Pope in person, could tolerate waiting for over half an hour for the guy to g it done. Well, maybe she didn't know about the pope, but her other patients weren't liking it a lot. A couple of them had already postponed their appointments, and another one had simply left. If things were going to keep being like this, she swore she was going to ask those two... idiots to reimburse her.

She hadn't finishedthinking before that she started sniffing, suddenly feeling very guilty. Maybe there was a reason Nick was taking so long. Maybe he had problems, psychological or physical, or maybe both. She wondered if he was going to mindher presence in the bathroom with him. After all, she was a doctor, it wasn't like she had never seen a naked man or a penis before. She wasn't even interested, so it could still be kind of cool. 

"I am sure he'll be finished in no time. Nick and foreplay aren't exactly best buddies." Jess tried to explain, feeling a little self-conscious and blushing. As old as she was, as free as she had always felt, talking about sex had always been an issue for her. Things had been improved a tiny bit since movedin with the guys, but not that much. Maybe right now she could say penis correctly and normally, but she still blushed every time the letters left her lips.

"Is that firsthand information?" Sadie asked, suddenly very interested. She was so close to Jess, and her voice was so high, that the brunette jumped in her seat."Sorry. I think we are going to get a very heterosexual girl. Her hormones are filling my whole being. Imagine that the only boobs I like lately are my own..." 

Jess closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear anything about hetero-sexual hormone driven Sadie. She already knew too much. She still had nightmares at night after Schmidt told her about how, with a very graphic description and his voice alone, had brought her to orgasm. Talking about sex with the girl? It was ok. But talking about sex with the girls, concerning the guys... nope. No freaking, bloody way in hell. Not even in millions of millions of years. 

"Do you think I should check on him? Maybe I should check on him..." Sadie asked. She didn't like the silence.Well, actually, she usually did, but apparently, pregnant Sadie could say all the kind of wrong things. Wrong things made people uncomfortable. And she hated making people uncomfortable. Beside, maybe Nick was really having troubles.

"I'd stay here if I was you. Nick doesn't like people seeing his... penis. Especially women he isn’t sleeping with. He freaks out."

"Firsthand information?" Sadie asked, lifting her eyebrows.

"We are roommates. We were doomed to walk in each other naked, sooner or later." Jess answered, as casually as she could. And yet, she blushed. So many memories and regrets… she couldn’t believe it had been almost two years since she had seen Nick naked that time. She had been such a naïve child back then. Living with the guys had really changed her a lot. In better, she hoped.

“I’m willing to go, if you want. I think I can make such a sacrifice for you, Jessica. That’s how much I love you.” Jess turned, and jumped in her seat. She had completely forgotten that Schmidt had insisted to go with her. the guy could be creepy. He could be as sneaky as a ninja. Now, if he only could be that way also when he was sleeping with his women, their lives would be so much better. She was positive that she was going to have nightmares even at age of ninety because of his sexual escapades. Jess shook her head, grimacing, at the mere thought, and barely resisted shrieking as she remembered what he had screamed just few days before.

“Oh, Schmidt, you are so sweet, I can’t believe that CeCe isn’t trying to get you back…” Sadie sniffed. Deep down, she hated herself. She had always been quite cynic, especially when it came to men, but now that she was pregnant she loved everyone and kept crying even for the stupidest things. And to cry over Schmidt… it pretty much said everything.

“It’s ok, Sadie. I got over her. She helped me grow up as a man. I am all right, really. And I appreciate that you consider me such a good person. Because, the truth is, that I am exactly the kind of person you think I am.”

He dramatically exited the room- apparently, it was some kind of dream of his- with Sadie still crying and Jess grunting. She didn’t have the courage to pop Sadie’s bubble. Her friend thought that Schmidt was a good person, when all he wanted was to see Nick’s penis. She wanted to cover her ears. Nick was going to scream and shout. And maybe kick Schmidt’s ass while he was at it. He was probably going to break something too. After all, she knew that the only worse thing than a woman seeing Nick’s penis was Nick’s penis being seen by Schmidt. 

And just like that, they fell into an embarrassed silence.

 

Schmidt didn’t bothered knocking at the door of the bathroom, and stormed in like he owned the place. The guy was positive that he would be getting some attention, but Nick didn’t seem to notice his presence. The bartender was looking at his reflection in the mirror, hands on the sink, lost in his own thoughts. 

“Oh, no…” Schmidt said out loud, again not getting any kind of reaction. He had already seen Nick acting that way. He was deep in his thoughts, fighting an inner battle of some kind. It wasn’t good. Either he was going to do something stupid, like move in with his ex, or he was going to do something very, very stupid, like trying to swim naked in the ocean in December.

And people told him that he was the one with the stupid ideas. They had never met his friends, that’s for sure. 

“Are you having troubles making your deposit, Nick? If that’s it, I can do it for you. I swear that no one will ever discover it. I’ll allow you to be the daddy while I’ll be the cool uncle.” He said, already unzipping his pants, as serious as he had rarely been before. He wanted a child of his own- he really did, but not yet- but he could do that for Nick and Jess. It was a sacrifice he was willing to do. 

“DON’T YOU DARE, YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOUA RE A DEAD MAN IF YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOUR STUFF TOUCHING JESSICA!” Nick screamed, livid, facing Schmidt. His friend retreated in a corner like a wounded animal, covering his nose. He liked his face, hell, he needed it. That’s why he was so good at his job. People loved having to deal with a good-looking young man.

“I WAS JUST CHECKING ON YOU!” Schmidt screamed, crying and sniffing a little. He looked like a little child, and he didn’t know why, but Nick realized that Schmidt looked a lot like Jamie when he was crying because their parents were arguing. He couldn’t be mad with someone who remembered him of Jamie, nor mean. 

“Sorry man. I just started to think about all this stuff.” He admitted, looking at the already filled bottle on the sink, chuckling nervously with small tears already leaving his eyes. “This is the closest I’ll ever be to being with Jess.” 

“Listen, Nick, if this is about the no nail oath, we can call it off. I mean, Coach isn’t even living with us any longer, and Winston doesn’t even know we swore to never, ever touch Jessica Day sexually.” He said, putting his hands on Nick’s shoulders. He was deadly serious. And somehow, it scared Nick. The oath wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously; it was something they said in the heat of the moment when they were too drunk to actually take an oath seriously.

“Schmidt, the reason I never tried anything with Jess it’s not because you told me I wasn’t allowed to, because, frankly? I may have not learnt a lot from life, but I know that I am always supposed to do the opposite of what you suggest me.” 

“Yeah, I know. Winston always tells me that he can count on me being there to make any stupid situation even stupider.” Nick rolled his eyes, sighing. Schmidt wasn’t supposed to be proud of saying such a statement, and that it was the simple truth. His friend could really be dense sometimes. 

“Schmidt, the reason I never tried anything with Jessica is because… she is such a cartoon princess! She is always so smiling and cheerful and happy and, with all those colors! And then, look at me!” he said, pointing with both hands at himself. “I’m the opposite of Jessica Day! I am a drunk, I am always moody and mad and angry, I always scream at people and the 90% of my clothes is brown!”

“Well, if that’s the problem, I have few old suits that you could rock. Not like me, but I…”

“I AM SERIOUS, SCHMIDT! I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR HER, AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING, GETTING HER PREGNANT?” He screamed, but this time, Schmidt didn’t move. He just went closer and closer to his friend, and put an arm around his shoulders.

“You are making her dreams coming true, because you love her. And love isn’t a lie, but it’s painful. And, as much as I hate to admit it, you, Nicholas Miller, deep down are a good person.”

Nick took a deep breath, and with the small bottle in his hands, he went back to Sadie.

As soon as he saw Jess’ smile, he forgot that he wasn’t so sure he didn’t want to do it any longer. But it didn’t mean it wasn’t painful.

He already knew that his heart was going to get broken in the process. But if it meant herhappiness, he could do it. He would do everything, anything, for Jess. 

No matter what. 


	6. Chapter Six

Few days after the "procedure", Nick was sitting on the couch, watching a sport game. Or at least, he was trying to, for Schmidt was sitting right before him with a creepy smile. It was the kind of expression he didn't like on his long time friend's face. It could mean only two things: either he needed help or he was going to do something. Both cases, the result was going to be a stupid disaster. He could bet on it. Hell, if Schmidt's antics could be the subjects of bets, he would be billionaire by now.

"I've come bearing gifts, Nicholas" he announced, all smiles and proud. Nick didn't know what was creepier, if his expression or the fact that he, a Jew, was quoting the New Testament...

Without adding anything, Schmidt offered him a book, and Nick looked at it from afar, like it could actually bite: life had thought him to be careful with what Schmidt offered you. Besides, Winston was-once again- in "Prank-Sinatra" mode, and one could never know what was going through that head of his.

Then, Nick looked at the book, really looked at it, and he saw the title. It was titled "Guide to pregnancy for fathers-to-be", and when he finally took it with trembling hands, he didn't know what to say, or what he was supposed to actually think. 

"Thanks man, but I don't know, I think It's still a bit early... it's not like we already know if..."

"Oh, please, Nicholas. Sadie said there was no reason to believe that the procedure didn't work. And I trust Sadie. I mean, how could I not trust someone who has a first-hand intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the feminine reproductive system?"

An outsider would have thought that Schmidt's words were supposed to bring him hope, and were referred either to Sadie's line of work or the fact that she was a woman. But Nick knew better. A look at the idiot he called a friend clearly indicated that Schmidt was talking about the fact that... well... Sadie had sex with women. So, in his mind there was only one thing to say. 

"JAR, SCHMIDT, JAR!" He screamed, indicating the jar, once again almost completely filled with money.

"I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU! YOU PEOPLE NEVER APPRECIATESMY EFFORTS!" He screamed back, empting his pockets of any coins. Schmidt retreated to his room, slamming the door as forcefully as he could; in answer, Nick threw the book away, where his friend had once been until few moments before.

His eyes fell on the cover, the picture of a heavily pregnant brunette, hugged from behind by a smiling man who nuzzled her neck, and he felt hot, salty tears wetting his face. Whatever they were a couple in reality or not, in that picture, that woman and that man were a family. He was a father, a dad. That man needed the book. He didn't. Because he wasn't a father, he was never going to be a dad. He was just a sperm donor. Jess thought that he was only a good friend who cared so much about her to do her such a huge favor. He was never going to be a part of that child's life, not as much as he wanted to. He would be the crazy, lunatic, single, lonely uncle for the rest of his life.

He had done a huge mistake. He knew it. And yet, it was the only thing to do. It was for Jess, after all. And besides... there were still his dreams, at least.

Like on autopilot, he took the book from where he had thrown it, and he started to read its pages, never stopping crying, without, thought, actually acknowledging the fact.

Maybe he was going to tell Schmidt he was sorry. Maybe, just maybe, he was going to thank him.

But there was no way he was going to give him back the money.

****

** Month 1-During the first two weeks of the pregnancy, you may not even be certain that you are pregnant yet. Many women experience few if any symptoms at all.  **

Sitting on the couch, Nick kept an eye on the book- hid between the pages of the TV guide- and Jess. The brunette was sitting at the kitchen aisle, eating low fat, low sugar cereals. She seemed almost... normal, but a look at her tender smile, at her blush, told him another story. He smiled a little as he saw a glimpse of an hand who tried desperately to not touch her abdomen. Her appointment with Sadie wasn't scheduled for another few days, but he could see she was dying to know if she was with child. She probably wasn't sleeping that well, and he didn't need to be a genius to see that she craved her super-sugary... things. 

Time put her-well, all of them, actually- out of misery, then. 

He went to her, and dropped a white paper bag on the counter, right before her. She didn't say anything, she simply stared at him and then at the bag and then at him again, carefully touching the bag-with the spoon - like it could bite her. She was behaving like the bag was a monster and he had suddenly grown another head. Really. Cartoon princess? The hell. She was behaving like a little baby girl. 

"C'mon, Jessica, open it!" he told her. He wanted to reprimand her, but he couldn't. His voice came out low, sweet, and he was smiling. He knew that... he knew that he wasn't really going to be a family with her, and that maybe one day she would meet someone, marry him and make him the father of their child, but right here, right now he couldn't help himself. 

Smiling too, Jess opened the bag, and started taking off...

Toothpaste, toothbrushes, anti-acid, anti-nausea bracelets, cotton, disinfectant, a lot of boxes of Band-Aids and even condoms.

"Are you trying to tell me something, Nick? Because, frankly...."

"THEY ARE AT THE BOTTON, DAMMIT, AND I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BUYING ONLY THEM!I'M A MAN, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO, DAMMIT! IT WAS WORSE THAN BUYING TAMPOONS OR CONDOMS FOR THE FIRST TIME!"

"You... brought me condoms and tampons?" she asked. She didn't understand his point. Nothing new there, but still...

He took the bag, and threw the contents on the aisle, so that she could finally see what was at the bottom: five-Five!- pregnancy tests, all of different brands. She got teary at the sight, and even if Nick was turtle-facing her, she stilljumped in his arms, kissinghis face all over but his lips. Then, grabbing the tests, she run to the bathroom. 

Nick waited outside the room for her, smiling like an idiot in love- what he actually was - and then, one minute later, when she opened the door, he saw her crying. 

But he knew those tears. They were of joy. They were the same tears he was crying too. 

And when she hugged him and he nuzzled her hair, he felt a tiny bit like the guy on the cover of the book. In another time, another place, another life, he would have kissed her on the lips, and celebrated the incoming new life by making love to her all day long. But right here, right now, he wasn't allowed to. 

And maybe, never.

** Your partner will not see dramatic changes in the first month after conception, except that she will tend to crave more rest;  ** _** some women also may begin to feel a little nauseous, and her breasts may become more tender or may tingle somewhat. Near the end of the first month, many women begin to experience more pronounced nausea, especially in the early morning or evening hours. Also, about this time, most pregnant women will discover a little enlargement of the breasts, with added tenderness. ** _ ** **

"You know, Jess, I think that his pregnancy is really good for you" Schmidt told her one evening, while they were all sitting on the couch looking at The walking dead re-runs, Jess busy hiding her face in Nick's shoulder every time a zombie walked into the screen. He wasn’t complaining. After more than two years living together, he was used to it. Of course, he would have appreciated more the situation if Jess was his girlfriend and not merely his flat-mate, and had they been alone. Everybody knew that horrors were great preliminaries.

"Ooohhh....thanks, Schmidt. I've always knew that deep down you were a good boy...." she said, her voice muffled by the fabric of Nick's flannel shirt. 

"Oh, well, thanks Jessica, but it's the truth. I mean, look at yourself..."

"Yeah, man, you are right. Girl's shining!"

"Actually, Winston, I was talking about the fact that her boobs are huge... and they turned that way naturally. Of course, in few monthsshe will be huge, but, you know, they'll kept being that way until she'll not stop breast-feeding.... and I hear there are women who breast-feed all lifelong!"

Jess, furious, as red as a tomato, stood, and at the same time as the other boys did, she indicated the jar. She was already on her way to kick, literally, Schmidt, but when she was right before him she turned all shades of green, and covering her face she ran to the bathroom. 

Schmidt breathed out of relief. Saved by evening sickness. 

** Month 2- ** _** You and your partner will notice that she will gain a little weight around her hips; her general tiredness will increase as the first major changes start happening inside her. This is the time when the umbilical cord is being formed, which is pretty demanding on her body. By the end of the second month, the levels of progesterone and estrogen are increasing dramatically, which will generally lead to some pretty serious mood swings that start now and continue through her pregnancy. You will also likely note the beginning of your partner craving some foods and getting sick with the thought of others. ** _ ** **

** " ** Ehy, Nick, do we have some other cereals around here?" Jess joined him as he was having breakfast, milk and some non-descriptive cereals he had found hidden somewhere. He was almost positive they were the last ones, and maybe were already gone, too, as Jess had gone through yet another tour of her crusade against food potentially dangerous for her baby. Of course, as she couldn't have it, she also expected the guys to be supportive and renounce to said foods as well. 

Well, she could forget it. Nick Miller wasn't going to say bye-bye to his cereals. Not because she was pregnant. Ok, they were friends (and he was kind of in love with her) but it wasn't like he was her boyfriend.

"Nope. Sorry, they are mine. Go to the bar, or ask Schmidt to drive you to the supermarket. I'm not going to share them.." he said, chuckling. He was having fun. This was their thing, after all. They liked teasing each other and have a little laugh every now and then. 

But she slapped him and while he was massaging the injured part of his body, she took away his bowl, retreating to her room, all mad with him.

"THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH ME, MILLER!" 

Oh, God. He wasn't going to last another seven months. No freaking way. 

** Month 3- ** _** Your partner will feel totally zapped during this third month-her body is in overdrive as the baby begins to develop; while her sex drive will likely be good, she may just be too tired to enjoy it. ** _ ** **

Nick was reading the book on the couch, Winston and Schmidt each side of his body, all their eyes focused one moment on the pages, the next one on Jess' napping form. They didn't know what to think. The book was right, and for that they were glad, but they hoped that this state of calm was going to continue all pregnancy long. For, until she napped, Jess couldn't inflict bodily harm to them. And as petite as she was... she could be painful, as their bruises showed.

And as all the broken glasses and dishes did as well. 

** Month 4- ** _** This is typically the month when the whole world will begin to see the physical changes, but remember that every woman is different; how and when the pregnancy shows will depend on a number of factors. She will likely have a brief respite from the overwhelming fatigue of the first three months. Usually during the fourth month, she'll begin to feel a little more "in the zone" in terms of the pregnancy; however, there may be some new concerns like aching joints or skin problems. These are the result of the rapidly increasing levels of hormones in her system. ** _ ** **

Jess hadn't felt like traveling all the way back home, but with just few hints here and there, she had managed to get her parents in the flat. The both of them, together, at the same time. She was glad for this, happy, and she knew that they were going to read her blush and her smile as yet another try at getting them back together. This time, she wasn't going to try anything, though. Thy were all in a good place, her dad was married, her mum was fine despite being single, and she was finally having a child of her own.

"Honey, what was so important that you needed to see the both of us?" her mother asked. She wasn't too worried, though. It couldn't be that bad. Her baby girl was smiling, after all.

"Mum... dad.... there is something I need to tell you. You see, few months ago, I was talking withmy friend Sadie... You remember Sadie, right? The OBG.... Well, anyway, I was talking with her, and we were discussing things, and as we were doing so, I started to think about life, and what I had with you, and what I wanted for my future....and, you know, while we were talking...."

"Are you gay, honey? Because I remember that you mentioned your friend Sadie being gay once... and, dad and I would be cool with that, really. You know that we are here to support you, whatever it happens." 

"Oh, well... I am glad you are saying so.... because I'm not gay, but I am... pregnant." She finally admitted, showing her abdomen. The belly was already visible, but she doubted that anyone could guess what she was hiding underneath her shirts and sweaters.

"Pregnant? With a child?" 

"No, dad, of course not, I am expecting a two-headed elephant!" she snorted. "Of course that I am pregnant with a baby!"

Her father stood, and went in direction of the rooms of the guys, as red as a tomato. "It's one of them, isn't it? One of them took advantage of my little girl! Who did this? The drunk? The skinny maniac? Or the jobless one, uh? Tell me, Jess, or I swear to God..."

The guys left Schmidt's room, from where they were over-hearing the discussion, and stood at crossed arms right before Mr. Day. 

Schmidt talked for all of them. 

"Mr. Day, I'd like to inform you that Winston has a steady job, even if I don’t really understand what he does; I am not skinny, but perfectly fit, and Nickolas is just _borderline_ drunk."

The guys looked at him. Once again Schmidt was looking all proud and smug. He really thought he was smart and had said something clever and intelligent.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU DARED TO..." He screamed, getting closer and closer to the guys. 

"I PLANNED IT, DAD!" Jess screamed too, putting herself in the line of fire, between her dad and her flat-mates. "there's no father, dad, just me. Sadie helped me out because... because she found out I was running out of time."

"Oh, honey...." her mum said, hugging her girl, her dad silent. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes mum, I've already thought about everything. I know what I am doing. This is what I want. I just... I hope you'll get it, you know?"

"Oh, we understand, honey, but... are you sure you can do it on your own? Because... I’ve got a spare room, and I am sure that everyone would be delighted to have you back."

"Dad, I am not sure...."

"Katherine and me would be happy to have a child running for the house. And back home, mum would be able to help you, to... teach you, you know?" 

"I know dad, and... I really appreciate it, but, I am ready. I have pre-birth classes scheduled, and the school has a daycare. And... with the new job.... money is good but.... really, I am ready. I thought about everything." 

Maybe she was. But Nick wasn't. Because his heart broke as she said that the child had no father, that she was alone in that. He didn't want to. But apparently, that was what he would get.

And even if he had always knew what he was getting himself to, how things were going to end, it still hurt. More than he had predicted.

** Month 5- ** _** Most pregnant moms think the fifth month is the best of all. A lot of the hard work her body has been doing takes a break. The baby will be moving around a little by this stage. At the right moments, you'll be able to feel the baby moving with a well-placed hand on her abdomen. ** _ ** **

Nick was still peacefully sleeping in his bed when Jess knocked the daylight out of him as she entering in his room, slamming the door against the wall. He jumped and stared at her, a bit scared, listening to her screaming. He kept searching for her eyes, to understand what was going on, what was wrong. Was it about the baby? Sadie had told them (well... her) that the first trimester was the one she was supposed to be worried about. That was why they (she) had waited for the second one before telling everyone. So, what the...

Then, she took his hand and put it on her expanding belly, guiding it. And that was when it happened. He felt it, like someone was.... tickling his hand. Again, and again and again. 

She laughed and cried, and even if he hadn't spoken with Jess almost at all after she had told her parents that she was alone and the baby as only hers, he joined her in. Because the baby was moving. And it was his, and hers. Despite what she kept telling people. And he wanted it. All of it.

Too bad he couldn't find the courage to say it at loud to her. 

** Month 6- ** _** A little more fatigue will set in during this month; you and your partner will see noticeable changes in her breasts. She will also generally experience a slight drop in blood pressure during this stage as her body adjusts to the growing baby and the baby's demand for blood ** _ ** **

Jess was finally showing, but despite this, she still wasn't comfortable with wearing maternity clothes. She had already purchased few of them, and her collection was already impressive (and completely in style with her) but she somehow refused to wear them. Nick didn't understand why. It wasn't like she still could hide that she was expecting. By this point, eventhe few people she hadn’t informed, knew because of her swelling belly. It was crazy, but he guessed it made sense. After all, Jess livedon crazy.

"Jess, you want something?" he asked, one evening. He was on the couch, sitting at her side, while she was curled ina tiny ball, half-asleep. She wasn't really sleepy, just tired, and strength-less. She was so pale, it was almost scary. 

She mumbled something, and all the time Nick looked in front of him, at the new enemy. He was almost there, where he had always guessed he would one day be: on the verge of killing Schmidt.

"Stop staring at her!" Nick hissed at the man sat on the recliner before them. 

"But I am not staring at her. I am staring at her breasts. They are magnificent. I think I could get lost if I put my face between them"

Nick stood, with what Jess kept referring to as the turtle-face, and approached Schmidt, getting closer and closer, until the only thing to do was for him to hope that Miller wasn't strong enoughto break his door. Because if Jess was a lioness when it came to her child... he didn't know if there was any chance of surviving Miller, so possessive and protective he was. 

** Month 7- ** _** During this month as the baby grows more rapidly, your partner will feel some discomfort as her internal organs (lungs, liver, stomach, and intestines) are compressed upward. ** _ ** **

It was almost 3 in the morning, on a working day following a working day, and Schmidt didn't know how Nick could do this. His friend/traitor was away "working", or whatever he was doing anyway, and Jess, as she couldn't sleep because of back pain, was busy talking with him. Non-stop. And every time he dared to close his eyes torest them, she got mad. Throwing things at him kind of mad. It wasn't an ideal situation. 

Schmidt hated Nick because he had abandoned him in such a situation, and yet, he could finally understand him. He didn't blame him, actually. 

If Nick was Catholic, he was going to ask the Pope to make him a saint. Because the guy deserved it. Big time. 

(He also thought he was entitled to be a saint, despite being a Jew, for having listened to her for one night only, too. Was it possible? He hoped so. He would rock in an Armani and that golden thing on his head...)

He put some money in the jar, sighing. He had the feeling that would have been what Nick would have asked of him.

** Month 8- ** _** The Mother will likely experience some lower back pain, and may have more difficulty getting up and down and walking. This stage will also affect her ability to sleep; she will have a few wakeful nights during this stage; this lack of sleep, combined with the hormonal issues, tend to make her a little more grumpy and testy. She may experience some swelling in her hands and feet; she may need a larger sized shoe for a while. ** _ ** **

His room was dark, and yet, Nick couldn't sleep. That baby was coming, it less than two months before it was there, and he couldn't wait to meet the creature, despite the fact that he and Jess had made clear that he was, more or less, just a sperm donor. 

Sighing in the dark, he looked around, making out the outlines of the furniture. He was remodeling, always when Jess wasn't there, creating a small nursery. He wanted to show it to her once the baby was there, or maybe shortly before. He still had to decide if he was going to buy a new bed for Jess, or just change room with her, adding her furniture to the new pieces. 

God, he hated his life.Hated that he loved her so much. Hated that he couldn't say the words, that she didn't understand it on her own. He wondered if this was enough. Was she going to understand how much they meant for him with just a look around? God, he hoped so. He couldn't even fathom the idea of losing her. Jess... he didn't have words to describe her impact on him. With Caroline, as serious as it had been, it had been different. He had thought that she was to accept him as he was, no matter what, and if it wasn't that way, screw her. With Jess... Jess accepted him as he was, but despite this, he wanted to improve, to show her that he wasn't a screw-up. And now that she was carrying their child, he wanted to show her how good her could be even more.

He had even decided to finish law school and became a lawyer, and had taken to study between shifts at the bar and the work in the nursery. 

"Nick?" he heard her voice, and then a knock at his door. She was already entering- damn him for never locking - when he just run at the door, putting himself between Jess and the room. "Are you all right?" she asked. A look told him it wasn't the reason she had gone there, but, well, he had to say something. Something that wasn't "Yeah, sorry, I freaked out because I don't want for you to see the nursery I am working on before it's ready, because I want for it to be completely finished so that you could see how much I love you and this child. And with that I love you, Imean that I am in love with you." 

"Nick? Are you sure that you are all right?"she asked, going on her tip-toes to feel with her hand his forehead. He closed his eyes, thinking about cold showers and grandmothers and Easter bunnies, because in this position,her stomach was pressed against his body and he couldn’t allow her to know that he was aroused because, well, in that belly it was his child. Didn't matter if he had done it in the unconventional way. It was still his child.

"I AM FINE, JESSICA! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S NOT FINE, OR YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE!" 

Pouting- he hated when she did it, she was like erotica made flesh when she pouted- she crossed her arms over her belly."Geez, sorry Miller. I just wanted to ask you some help. My feet hurt, and I can't reach them!" and then, like from nowhere, she started to cry. "But if you don't want to help me out, I'll go ask Schmidt." she sniffed 

Nick didn't know if it was planned, if Jess knew what she was doing, but as soon as she said the words, he took her for an arm and guided her back in her room.Schmidt touching her? Like hell he was going to allow such a thing. Nope, never, ever. He was an ever-horny maniac. He wasn't going to risk (again) having Jess sleeping with him. No, no way. No freaking way!

"You know what, Jess? I'll give you a massage myself. But, to do it the right way, I need you to be relaxed, and to be relaxed, I need you to go in your room..." he said, patting her head like she was a kid. God, it was hard. What the hell was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to behave? "Because, let's be honest, Jessica, who would want a massage inmy bed? I wouldn't want a massage in my bed! So, whywould you want a massage in my bed! You don't want a massage in my bed, because nobody wants a massage in my bed! Because my room is old and.... filled with things thatpregnant girls wouldn't like and...filled with things a pregnant girl would never like!"

Oh Lord. He was screwed. Couldn't he be any more obvious? She had to know he was up to something. He was going to freak her out. And when Jessica Day freaked out... she run. And that was the last thing he wanted.

"I GOT IT, MILLER! THERE'SNO NEED TO SCREAM AT ME THAT WAY! I AM GOING BACK TO MY ROOM!"

"I AM NOT SCREAMING!"

"YES, YOU ARE!" She screamedback, as she was already at her door. 

"I WAS SCREAMING JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE SCREAMING AT ME, JESSICA!" He screamed back, following her in her room and slamming the door. 

"I WAS SCREAMING BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IMPOSSIBLE, TURTLE-FACED HANDSOME MAN AND BECAUSE I AN NERVOUS AND FRUSTRATED BECAUSE OF YOUR CHILD!"

"SHOUT UP, JESS!"

"NO, I'M NOT GOING TO SHOUT UP, AND YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE A MESS!"

"YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE SO ANNOYING WITH ALL YOUR LITTLE SHORTS AND SKIRTS!" He screamed at her, now face to face with Jess, right before her bed, completely undone, a real mess. Nick gulped down a mouthful of saliva as soon as he got a glance of the fresh linens. because when he saw the undone bed, he couldn't help but imagining her in there, with him, busy making an even bigger mess.

"WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME?!" 

"I TOLD YOU TO SHOUT UP!" and since she wasn't going to, Nick decided that there was only one thing left to do. He kissed her, devouring her lips, like he was starving, like she was his lifeline. Jess didn't respond to the kiss immediately, but soon she decided to join in the fun, and gave as good as she was getting. Their tongues touched, and she moaned in his mouth, Nick's hands not frantic, but gentle on her, tenderly skimming over her belly. 

They parted, and he saw that Jess was going to say something, but he couldn't have any of it, not here, not now. He couldn't have her breaking the spell. Not when he had finallyfound the strength and the courage to show her how he felt, manup on his attraction and desire for the brunette. 

"Jess.. shout up and take off your clothes, right now. and I mean it." he said with a low vice. It wasn't commanding, and yet it was. It was a different Nick that took her breath away. 

So, she did as he told her, blushing, and when he got closer to her and kissed her again, he helped her getting rid of his clothes too, and then, she fell in his embrace. 

And just like in his vision, he made her bed a lot messier. 

Just like in his nightmares, she was gone when he woke up,and just like he knew she would have done, she freaked up, and run away. She was still there, but yet she wasn't. Because she simply couldn't accept that there was something deeper than just casual sex and friendship between them. 

Loving him was too scary. Because only if they loved, they could get hurt. And she had been through too much already. She wasn't going to feel pain again. Only her baby wassafe. 

And even if Nick had knew it right from the start, he still had tried. Tried so hard it hurt like it was a real pain. And to say he had knew right from the start how it was going to end...

People was right. He was an idiot.

** month 9- ** _** Your partner's breasts will get heavier and may even begin to leak colostrum, which will be the baby's first nourishment after birth. Her organs will further compress and be pushed up against her diaphragm; this may cause an increase in heartburn or shortness of breath. Her kidneys will be working harder, so she'll feel the need to use the bathroom a lot-even more than before. You'll start to see some stretch marks on her abdomen as the skin is stretched. Her legs and back will tend to cramp a lot. Some gentle rubbing and massaging may help relieve the pain ** _ ** **

Jess was crying while on the toilet, the same thing she had done, in the same place, for over half an hour. She kept sighing, and Winston and Schmidt kept looking at the closed door and at each other. They were, frankly, scared. They didn't like women acting that way. And they didn't like how Jess was avoiding Nick, nor that the guy looked like a kicked puppy. If such a thing existed. 

"I don't know, Winston. I think I am scared. Do you think we should call Nick? Let'sbe honest, he is the only real man between the four of us...."

Winston looked at Schmidt like he had told the stupidest thing ever. Which he kind of did, as he had counted between the men Jess too. 

"Listen, I don't think is a good idea. Let's leave them to sort their things out, ok?"

"I’ve got an idea. Let's put them in the stall, lock the door and force them to play seven minutes in heaven!"

"Ehy, I've got an idea, why don't we wait for them to sort things out?"

"Are you crazy, Winston? They'll never do that. Especially Nick. He lives for being a kicked puppy. And you know what will happen? Either we lose Nick, our glue, the man who's the beginning and the end of every story of ours, of we lose Jess, the provider of models..."

"You remember that you are dating, right?"

"Yeah, well, I still got eyes, and Elizabeth understands it."  
"she does, really?"

"Well, actually, she doesn't, but I likeit when she gets all forceful.And our make-up sex is simply divine. It was already great when I was fat Schmidt, but right now....."

"SCHMIDT!" Jess screamed from install the stall. 

"Ok, ok,I understand. You don't feel comfortable with me sharing details about my sex-escapades.."

"Jar, man, jar..."\

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE! I WANT YOU TO CALL NICK! RIGHT NOW!"

"See Winston? I told you it was a good idea to allow them to sort things out on their own!"

"Actually, I think it was...

"Oh, Winston, seriously, petty jealousy? no, no, no!"

"SCHMIDT! CALL NICK! MY WATERS JUST BROKE!"

"WHAT? JESSICA! WE ALL HAVE TO USE THE TOILET!"

"Man, she wasn't talking about the toilet. she was talking about, eh, female waters?"

"Oh, wait, you mean..." Winston nodded, and Schmidt looked at him, in horror. "NICHOLAS! JESSICA'S WATERS JUST BROKE! SHE IS GOING TO HAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE BATHROOM!" It didn't pass half a minute that Nick was already there, frantic looking forher. “IN THE STALL, YOU IDIOT, IN THE STALL!"

He opened the door, unlocked, and here in fact she was. Jessica was sitting on the toilet, crying, sobbing and sniffing, her hands on her belly.

"Jess...you all right?" he asked, going on his knees in front of her.

"I... I think my waters just broke."

And as she said so,he passed out. 

"SCHMIDT! I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL AN AMBULANCE! NICK JUST PASSED OUT AND I AM STILL GOING TO HAVE A BABY!" 


	7. Chapter Seven

"I can't believe we are driving to the hospital in _my_ car! Jessica, I am telling you this. You ruin my baby, I will kill you..." Schmidt said as he was parking in front of the hospital, behaving like nothing was happening at all, while, in the back, Jess was holding Nick's arm with such a strength she had probably broken some bones. "Or maybe not. So, here we are. There are not baby stains anywhere, right?"

"Schmidt, the baby isn't here yet so no, there are no baby stains in your car." Nick told him, as calm as he could with Jess still busy breaking his arm. Oh, how he regretted having agreed to be with her for a short while... just because CeCe wasn’t there yet. 

"Please, Nicholas, I'm not stupid, I know this. What I was saying...is that I was referring to...you know, all her.... the baby almost born stuff. And all that stuff that comes out as she gives birth."

Nick rolled his eyes and didn't say anything else. There was no need. He hoped his friend understood him, but if Schmidt didn't get his point... bad for him. 

Winston and Nick guided her towards a room, trying to hurry up, like they were forgetting she was carrying a baby, something that Jess didn't appreciate. She tried to kick them in the legs, but failed, and grunted. She wanted the baby out, now, if not else for getting the chance of hurting those two. Especially Nick. He had been the one putting her into troubles, after all. 

"Ma’am?" Nick asked, as he saw a nurse walking into their general direction. "Hi. I'm Nick Miller, and this is Jessica Day. Few minutes ago her water broke, and I know you would never guess because I look calm, but deep down, I am freaking out. That's why I am so calm. The calmer I am, the more freaked out I feel. And I don't really know why I am telling you this!" 

The nurse, a black woman in her forties, looked at him with crossed arms, up and down, probably wondering if she was supposed to call a shrink first, but then she looked at Jess. She was still stern, and indicated to Nick and Winston, with a lifted hand, to just shout the hell up. 

"Hi Ma'am. My name is Jessica Day. I am eight months and two weeks along, my waters broke 18... no, sorry, 19 minutes ago” she corrected herself as she looked at the watch on Nick’s wrist “and the contractions are still further apart. I stillhate them, though, so, if you could call Doctor Sadie Goodwin and tell her that I need something to manage the pain, it would be really great."

"Yep, she needs it! And something heavy for me too while you are at it!" The nurse turned once again to look at Nick, shaking her head annoyed. He was on the floor, twisting his arm, Jess holding his hand and doing her best to break any single finger while she was at it. 

"You, bring her in room 6." the nurse said to Winston. "You, I'll call a doctor. Sadie's not here now and I’ll see what I can do." she told Jess "and you, take this. They are for strong menstrual cramps, so they should do for your baby pain" she told Nick, giving him some pills taken from her overall. 

As they were entering room 6, Schmidt arrived, and threw Jess' bag on the floor. "Damn it, parking at this hospital is impossible. Did you really have to give birth here, Jessica?" He said, falling tiredly on the bed where she was supposed to rest. "By the way, I called CeCe. She is trying to get out of a modeling job, but she says that she isn't sure if they will allow her to. Big stuff, apparently… and then there’s a meet the family thing with that Shivrang guy"

" ** _WHAT?_** She can't do that to me! She promised to be there for me! She told me that she was going to hold my hand while I was giving birth! She listened to all that stuff about pre-birth school and... and....what I am gonna do without her?"

"Nick's already doing a pretty god job at holding your hand. And he read the book. I don't see why we should risk ruining her career because of a Jessica Day-Nicholas miller hybrid. Her arranged marriage I can accept, but her career? Never!"

"Hello, I'm Dr. Samuel Sweeney and I will be your doctor today and..." as the young man entered the room, all eyes fled to him, and Jess got lost in the sight of her ex- well, her most recent ex, at least. "Jess?"

"Sam?! What are you doing here?" she asked him,gasping. It was hard for her finding the right words. She and Sam had parted not in the best way, as she was looking for love and all he wanted was her body in any bed, but it wasn’t just that. She hated that he could think that she was easy or else... yes, she had loved him, and now here she was, right before him, ten months after their break up, carrying a child, but she wasn't a bad person. She really wasn't easy. When she loved, she gave all of herself, and she had done so with him too. Forgetting him hadn’t been easy-actually, there was a part of her that kept telling her that she could still have a chance with him, that kept thinking about buts and what ifs.Even now, there was a small part of her that wondered if he could be a father for this baby. Because... yes, there was Nick, but things between them had always been too complicated, and he had an hard time showing and admitting feelings.

"I... Take few hours here every now and then, and...wow, Jess, you... you look good. I mean, you are...."

"Heavily pregnant? Yes, she is, you idiot! And no, you can do all the math in the world, but it's not yours!" Nick almost screamed, gritting his teeth. God, he hated that man. He could have been cool with Jess being with Russel in the long run, but Sam? Despite what he kept telling Jess when they had been dating, he couldn't stand the guy.

He also felt like killing him as he saw him breathing out in relief. What, the genius doctor wasn't an actual genius because he thought that Jess could be carrying his child? After more than ten months after they had called things off? 

"Oh, well, I am happy to see that you and Nick... put some order in that... thing you had going on?"

"WHAT? No, I am not carrying Nick's child. I mean, yes, I am carrying his child, but he is not the father. He is just, you know...."  
“What our Jessica is trying to tell you is that Nicholas is a sperm donor."Schmidt explained from the bed. He wanted to leave that room, but he couldn’t. The bed was too comfortable. Now he kind of understood why women wanted to give birth in hospitals.

"Yes, I am, and as the father, I don't want to have an ex of the mother of my child to the one to bring my child in the world, and I know I am not really making sense and that my grammar right now is terrible, but please try to understand that I think that she broke all my fingers and they gave me pretty heavy stuff for the pain, so, please, could you sent someone else here? Thanks."

"Ok, cool, I get it. I'll see if Dr. Sadie arrived...." he said, and went out, feeling lost and defeated. By none other than Nick Miller. It was kind of humiliating. And very, very reinvigorating for Nick. He was kind of proud of himself. Maybe it was how Conan the Barbarian felt all the time. 

"Nick? What's wrong with you? Why did you say those awful things to Sam?" Jess asked, slightly mad, definitely annoyed.

"Why? Where do I start, Jess? From the fact that he was hitting on you even if you are pregnant, and for all he knew you could have been in a relationship? Because he wasn't supposed to, after he dumped you because you wanted more? Because he is such an idiot he couldn't even do the math and get that it's not his child, and when he realized I was the father, he was relieved because the child wasn’t his?"

"That’s my life, Nicholas, I never asked you to get involved!"

“YES, YOU DID JESS, WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO GET YOU PREGNANT!" he screamed, then, he lowered his head, running an hand through his hair, calming down a little. When he spoke again, his voice was lower, but still forceful. "And you know what's worst? That even for just a second, you thought about taking that man back. After everything he put you trough."

She didn't answer.

"Well? Nothing to say? That’s how it's going to be? We argue and you just behave like a stubborn little girl? Just because you can't admit, not even once, that I may be right?"

"Actually, I may have kind of lied before, because contractions just got closer. As in, a lot closer." she said, turning then to Schmidt." Schmidt, could you pretty please give me my bed? I don't feel like giving birth standing... and I am pretty sure you don’t want to see it too."

Schmidt rolled his eyes, but yet he followed her instructions, and looked as Nick helped Jess lying down. Schmidt smirked. Guy looked like a pro. He guessed it wasn't the first time he was doing such a thing for Jessica.... oh, the bastard, he was a lucky bastard.

"Oh god. The baby is here...the baby is here! Could you please call someone!"

"Ehy, you know what? I'm gonna talk with that sweet nurse!" Winston said. 

"Yes, and I am going to wait for Cecilia and Elizabeth to show up. Good luck guys. Nick, it’s been a pleasure meeting you." And with that, they left too, clapping their hands in a theatrical way.

It took the doctor (not Sadie, but at least not Sam) some minutes to get back, and when she did, Jess was holding Nick's hand, his left busy caressing her. Jess was a disaster, but the doctor kept looking at the young man. He had never seen emotions so different on a face before. She could see love for the woman in his arms and expectations for the arrival of their first baby, but also pain and fear. 

"Miss Day, I'm Sadie's assistant, Dr. Lennox. I am glad to tell you that you'll not have to go through over 30 hours of labor. In fact, I am pretty sure you could already start pushing. You are very lucky, many women with their first pregnancy goes through many more hours of labor, and it’s just with the following pregnancies that….”

" I CAN'T PUSH! SADIE'S NOT HERE! CECE'S NOT HERE! MY PARENTS AREN'T HERE! I AM NOT READY! THERE ARE STILL TWO WEEKS LEFT! AND THERE IS NO WAY THAT I WILL DO THIS AGAIN! THIS CHILD WILL BE AN ONLY CHILD, AND NOW I WILL HAVE TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM TO MUM BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHY SHE HAD JUST ME EVEN IF I WANTED A SIBLIN!"

"Jess, ehy, ehy Jess, look at me." Nick told her, sitting at her side on the bed, caressing her hair. His voice was low and sweet, tender, and yet, he sounded completely sure of himself. "Sadie and CeCe are arriving, Schmidt called your parents, and me and Dr. Lennox are here. Ok?"

She nodded, crying, sniffing. 

"Ok, you want to start pushing?"

Nick nodded, still an hand on her hair, and she nodded too, between tears. It was painful, and she was scared. Now it as real. The baby was here and it was real. She was going to be a mum. She was going to be a single mum with no experience whatsoever. Oh, Lord, her parents were right. What the hell had she done? She couldn't do this on her own. She needed help. A lot of help. 

"No, no, honey, all you need is right here. The doctor is here, and I am here too. And in just few minutes our baby will be here too. She can't wait to meet you, Jess, just like you couldn't wait to have her in your arms." He told her. Jess wondered if Nick was actually talking, or if she was imagining things. Maybe they had given her something. Because she was pretty sure she hadn't talked out loud. Well, she hoped so, at least.

"Ok, I am already seeing the head. Just few more pushes and the baby will be here."

"Did you see something you weren't supposed to see. Miller? Because last time I checked, we didn't know the sex...."

"No, no.. I just.... it's just a feeling." Or a dream. A mini Jess to spoil, to help him being a better man.

Jess closed her eyes, and she thought she was pushing. She wasn't sure, she felt like lulled into numbness. It was strange, and yet nice. 

And then, between the pain, the nothingness and Nick's soothing voice, she heard a cry that wasn’t her own: her baby was there. 

"How are you going to call her?"

Her? Her baby was a girl. Just like what she wanted. Just like what Nick wanted, he had hoped for. Or dreamt of. Or whatever. So, maybe... maybe, since he had felt it... maybe he knew…

"Name her, Nick. I want you to name her."

He smiled at her, and kissed her forehead. She felt something hot wetting her forehead. Was it her sweat, or was he crying? No, it wasn't like Nick at all. He wasn't that kind of man. 

"She just looks like my mother's sister in her baby pictures" he said, putting the baby girl in her mother's arms. "I think she is a Lidia."

"Lidia Day... Yeah, I like it" she said, kissing the bay's forehead. 

Nick's heart clenched, and he could swear it made a sound as it broke. But he didn't say anything. He just excused himself, refusing to look at the scene. He thought it wasn't right, that Jess was an idiot. But then he realized he had been the real stupid ass: Jess had been honest with him. But he had been himself, building castles in the sky just to break them, because he was to scared of tomorrow., of the unknown.

He left their side, and went towards the waiting room, where everybody was expecting to hear what was going on: CeCe and her boyfriend/soon to be husband, Shivrang, had arrived; Schmidt had been joined by his old, new girlfriend, Elizabeth, an old friend of Nick too from the College days, and Winston was still sitting on his own, a little depressed by all those couples. Jess' parents had been informed, or at least he hoped the guys had listened to him, but they hadn't been able to arrive in time, as the baby had decided to arrive sooner than they had thought; they were going to join her in few weeks, as she had requested in the early months of her pregnancy, if they were still going to stick to the original plan.

"Ehy... how is she doing?" CeCe asked, standing and reaching Nick, an hand on his shoulder. She had always liked Nick. She was glad it was him Jess had chosen to father her child. Maybe for those two there was still hope, after all. Nick was just her type, and Jess seemed to be good for him too.

"We just had…. she just had the baby" he answered, correcting himself as soon as he remembered that he had no business into the baby's life. 

"Can you already say the sex of the creature?" Schmidt asked, and put some money in a small jar Winston produced from thin air, rolling his eyes. He hated that Winston had listened to Nick, preparing a set of mini-jars to bring everywhere they went. "I don't know why I am putting money there, but I do it nevertheless because I am that good."

"It's a girl. And... God, you should see her. It's... like a mini Jess."

"Adonai blessed, she didn't take after you."

CeCe hit Schmidt, as hard as she could, on one side, Elizabeth on the other. "Don't listen to him, Nick. You have chocolate brown eyes. Just like a delightful and sinful ice-cream...." CeCe moaned. The pre-wedding diet was doing.... well, it was making her crazy. She needed to eat something actually edible, ASAP, and she needed for it not being cake. She was sick and tired of tasting cakes.

"Well, then you'll be happy to know that she got them." he said. It was his time to be all smug and proud. Hey, CeCe the super model who slept with Mick Jagger just told him he had delightful eyes, he was allowed to be a bit like Schmidt for once!

"Ehy, did you name her yet?" Elizabeth asked. Nick hated to admit she was the most normal of them all. Maybe it was good for Schmidt dating her. Yes, Elizabeth was particular, but in a good way, like when she didn't care what people thought of her. If Jess was going to stay, he hoped that she was going to be a fixed point in her life. It was the kind of role model a girl needed growing up. Of course, the fact that she was dating Schmidt-after she had already dated him in the past- was a point against her, but in the bigger picture, there was worse. 

"Yeah. Name's Lidia."

"Ehy, Wasn't Lidia..." Winston asked. And Nick nodded. 

"Yeah. My mother's sister's name. And before her, my grandmother's." he admitted, chuckling.

"Lidia Miller is a beautiful name" CeCe said, smiling.

"Actually is... just Day. She is Lidia Day." Nick admitted. He tried to chuckle to hide his discomfort and his pain, but thy still could see it. CeCe imagined he felt like Jess had just slapped him, kicked him when he was down. The poor man had tried, done everything, shown her he was ready to be the man he could be, all for her. And that was her answer. Frankly, in that moment, CeCe hated a tiny bit Jess. 

"And hereI thought..." CeCe stopped, and looked at Nick still in silence, sad, and yet happy. He didn't regret what he had done, she could see it. And besides.... Yes, Jess had given her surname to the baby, but there was still time, right? "You know what? Jess is probably oh, so tired... why don't you say hello to her and the baby? We'll be back tomorrow, when she'll be, you know, more in the zone."

"What? No! If she is a mini Jess I want to see it now!" 

"Schmidt, first, the baby is a girl, so you call her a she, not an it, second: Jess is tired, and we are all busy. Shivrang and I have to meet aunt Estelle, Winston has the show in few hours, you are supposed to work tomorrow morning and I am sure that even Elizabeth has something to do this evening..."

"Nah, she can stay. She told me she was free this evening and...."

"SCHMIDT! SHE IS BUSY!" CeCe screamed, gritting her teeth,scaring the hell out of her ex and her actual boyfriend. "Ok, good! I will see you soon! Goodbye Nick, see you tomorrow and, you know.... good luck, or whatever."

Smiling and giggling, CeCe and the guys left, in the vain hope that he could master up the courage to tell Jess how he actually felt about her, and what he wanted; few minutes later, Nick was caressing Jess' curls, teary, looking at the lovely picture before him, while she held her daughter like her own life depended on it. Then, as he was about the open his mouth and tell her everything, confess every secret he had kept deep buried in his heart in the last 9 months, out of nowhere she started sobbing, and seemed unable to stop. She just held the baby tighter and tighter, and Nick didn't know what to do, what to say. After Jess had gotten pregnant, they hadn't talked so much, and even now, when he needed the rights words the most, he was completely unable to find them. 

"They are right. I can't do that on my own.... I've been that stupid to think that... life isn't a Disney cartoon. I can't do that alone. I'm returning home. To mum and dad."

Nick wanted to tell her many things. That she didn't need to do that on her own, because he was there, and he wanted to be there for her, that he had gotten ready for the arrival of the baby and had transformed his room into a nursery when she wasn’t around because he wanted to surprise her. He also wanted to make her understand that home was there, with all of them.Or that, for him, it was wherever she was. But he couldn't find the strength to talk. 

Because he felt like he had lost that right whenhe had accepted to get her pregnant with no strings attached, or when he had accepted to sleep with her and had accepted it was just a physical thing.

Now, there was nothing left to say.


	8. Chapter Eight

The room - _her room -_ was completely empty.

All of Jess' things had been put either in storage, waiting to be sold, or already sent back to her parents’ home. All the guys had offered her their bed, and CeCe even her spare room, but she had stubbornly refused, explaining that the couch was good enough, considering that there was no way that she could sleep anyway. The baby had slept at her side, in her baby carriage, and just a bunch of things had been left, what Jess knew she was going to need on the flight back... back to her childhood home.

And now... now everything was gone. Nothing was left. It was like she had never been there, except, she did. She had been there, lived with all of them, talked CeCe into moving to Los Angeles and live her dream. And now, now that she was supposed to need her surrogate family of sort the most, she was all on her own. And she had been the one deciding it. 

Sitting in a corner with his head between his knees, Nick wondered whose fault was that. He knew that he hadn't a lot to offer, and he knew that he had never said the words out loud, but he had believed that Jess knew that she could always count on him, especially with the baby. And yet, she was gone. She had never asked for their help, and when they had offered, she had just looked the other way around, and run with the tail between her legs back to mum and dad. 

Why, he asked. Was it something he had done, said? Did she think that he had taken advantage of her, of her fears, when he had slept with her? Did he say something that had scared her?

He was a mess. A bloody, freaking mess. A mess he didn't know how to solve. And... if he was supposed to do anything at all to try to fix things up. 

He wanted to run to her with all his heart, offer himself up to her on a silver plate, but why was she supposed to take him? He had nothing to offer. He was a failure, a loser. He was a drop-out who worked horrible shifts at an horrible bar with an horrible pay, while Jess was a successful teacher with her whole life ahead of her. He was always angry, while Jess had that marvelous smile and an happy go lucky attitude that filled his heart with light. Successful, rich andpowerful men like Russell looked for her company, her love, while the only successful woman he had ever dated, Julia, had decided to dump him as soon as she had seen what a terrible person he was. 

He had to face reality: his daughter and Jess were probably better off without him.

"Man, let me tell you something from the deepest recess of my heart: you are an idiot." Schmidt and Winston joined him, one each side of his body, both with a warm hand on his back, trying to sooth the ache of his heart, the pain of his soul.

And, anyway.... Winston was right. He was an idiot. Otherwise, he would have never found himself in this situation to begin with. To father a child with Jess... what the hell was he thinking? Did he really think that it was going to end well?

The night that they had had had sex, when she was in her last trimester, he still wondered how Jess felt about that, if she knew what he had thought of it. She had told him it was just sex, that hormones had her all hot and bothered, that he didn't have to think too much about it or read something that wasn't there. She begged him to screw the no nail oath, and it had ben exactly what he had done. And he had done exactly that, cursing internally himself yet again for having allowed Jess to turn him into a fluffer yet again. 

But, did he really have to be honest? That had never been his undoing. Desiring Jess had always been there, in the front of his mind. At first, because she was cute in such a girly way, and man, the shorts were hot and those legs of hers were endless, but then...he had come to love her. He guessed it was because, well, because they had never had sex until later. They had been together through so much, so many life-altering moments. She wasn't some random girl he had picked up late at the bar. She was… she was just Jess, and if he could live without having her, thinking that he was doing that for her own good, he wasn't so sure he could do the same for - and with - his daughter.

The day he had seen Lidia Miller-Day for the first time had been his undoing, and he had known in that instant that he was going to keep his promise. _I will love that baby._

Did he really thought he could do that? Let them go? Being a father just once or twice a year? Hell, maybe looking at Jess getting married to someone who wasn't him.... someone else playing daddy with _his_ daughter, being there all the way, and his baby not remembering him, asking daddy who was the old, angry man who screamed at the other children who crossed his yard....

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

"Winston, do you see what I see? Can you see the spark of determination in his eyes?" Schmidt slapped him on the back of his head, and Nick jumped, under the amused eyes of his friends. How long had he known Schmidt? Man, it was over ten years... and he didn't think he had never made him proud before. And yet, he knew that it was it. He saw pride, but also regret, because Nick was going to do what he hadn't had the strength and the courage to do with CeCe. 

For once in his life, Nicholas Miller wasn't going to be scared of the future, of the unknown: he was going to overcome his biggest fears and fight for the woman he loved, and for the chance of building a life together, the two of them, and their baby.

 

 

"Jess, sweetheart, you can still change your mind...." CeCe was standing outside the gate with Jess, crossing her arms, sad and defeated. She didn’t like how things were going. She didn't like what was happening, and she knew that her two friends felt the same too, and yet, here they were, in such an unfortunate situation.

"Mum's gonna help me with Li, she'll teach me what I don't know yet, and dad offered his spare bedroom. Besides, soon my maternity leave will be over, and in the meantime I can look for a job over there. _Any_ job."

"Jess...." CeCe simply said, caressing the dark curls of the baby who was like a niece to her. Almost like a child of her own. She would have loved for Lidia to live over there in LA, she would have been spoiled senseless by her top model auntie. CeCe would have been the cool aunt, the one the young girl could go to for advice, whatever it was sex, love, clothes or make-up. She would have helped her into getting in any school she had wanted, working as her Pygmalion. She was so sweet and good looking; with Jess' dark curls and Nick's sweet eyes, everybody was a goner for her. She could have been a little actress, or maybe a model herself... but now CeCe wasn't going to live any of that. She was going to lose the little child she already loved with a passion, and with her best friend moving back home, she could only wonder what was going to happen to them. Were they going to remain friends? Would they lose each other, becoming just the standard and awkward card at Christmas and at birthdays? 

"CeCe! You know why I can't stay here!" Jess said, determined, almost screaming. 

And that was what drove CeCe over the proverbial edge. 

"You want the truth, Jess? No, I don't know why you are leaving! You have everything here, you have your family! You have me, and the guys, and... and Nick who loves you and this child! You even have a job! You don't need you dad's room and your mum's advice! Everything you need is right here, right now!"

"Nick's too scared of the unknown to love me, CeCe" she said in the same tone she would if her friend was one of her student, completely unable to understand the basic of what she was trying to explain her. 

"Jess, he is letting you go because he is in love with you! He wants the best for you and his daughter and he thinks it's something else!" CeCe paused, shaking her head, not mad, but just sad, like she was defeated. Jess had the chance of finally getting what she wanted, and she was throwing it away, just like that. It wasn't Nick that was running, it was her friend.And it just wasn't right. She knew Jess, and she didn't want to see her friend living a life of regrets, buts andwhat ifs. Her life, if she allowed herself to let it go now. "Jess, I know you are scared of suffering. But, you always said that you wanted passion, right? You wanted the spark, and... and you have it with Nick."

"CeCe, I don't...."

She shook her head, close to tears, holding her baby like for dear life.In that moment, she heard her flight being called, and grabbing the baby bag, she moved towards her line, without adding anything else. She was biting her lips, and kept silently sobbing, burying her nose in the dark curls of her daughter like to get reassurance that at least that was going to be all right.

And then...

Then, she stopped dead in her track, as she heard someone screaming, arguing, angry and grumpy, and she would have recognized that voice everywhere, between thousands, millions of voices, even after a century apart. 

"I TOLD YOU TO LET ME GO! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND WITH MY DAUGHTER, AND I NEED TO TALK WITHTHEM! LET ME GO NOW OR ELSE! I AM A BARTENDER, I KNOW HOW TO DEFEND MYSELF! DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I LEARNT FROM MY HAWAIAN CO-WORKER, UH? C'MON, TRY ME!"

"Sir, you can't walk past this line without a ticket and having done the check-in...." the security guard tried to explain him, restraining Nick with an hand on his forehead like he was dealing with an irreverent child. As soon as she saw the scene, Jess barely resisted laughing out loud. It was so funny, so... so Nick!

Yep, he was so weird. And at the end of the day, that was the reason she loved him so much.

(That, and because she really considered him to be a beautiful white male, quoting a confession she had once done CeCe.)

She came back, but didn't walk past the line, and just stood there, right before him, with glassy eyes and an happy smile. And yet, she didn't dare to cross the line and run in his arms. She couldn't, she was scared, so scared, too much maybe, and she needed for him to take the first step. She needed to know that when Nick had called her his girlfriend he really meant it, and he was all in.

"I shouldn't ask you to stay. I should tell you to look for someone better than me, but I think I am too selfish, and that I love you too much. When you didn't want for me to move in with Caroline, I told you that you needed me too much. But... but man, I was so wrong. It's me who needs you. I... I can't stay without you. Because, if you are not here.... why should I even bother trying to be a better man?" he paused, the breath dead in his throat, and he went on his knee, looking at her in the eyes while Jess held tighter and tighter their baby, gasping between the general curiosity of the people all around them. "Jess, I promise I'll be the best man you could have. I am sick and tired of being scared of tomorrow. I want.. I want to be everything I could have been but I was too scared to try to become. Do you want to be at my side all the way, Jessica, while I try to improve for and with you?"

He offered her his hand, and falling on her knees, she hugged him, crying and kissing him sweetly like they had been apart for a lifetime, their baby sandwiched between them, making tiny sounds and giggling.

It was finally time to go home: the loft they had shared since she had suddenly appeared in his life.


	9. Chapter Nine

"GUYS!" As soon as they herd the glass-shattering voice, Winston and Schmidt turned toward the terminal, and here she was, Jess, in all her glory, just like they remembered her. As beautiful and full of life and cheerful as she had always been. In short, still their Jess. 

It had been more than a year since the last time they had seen each other "for real", and yet she didn't looked one day older. Actually, she seemed even younger than before. It really didn't looked like she had to deal with a child and her daughter on a daily basis. It was unbelievable, she was supposed to look older, or at least tired, and yet nothing had changed in her appearance. She was a mother, she had been in a stable relationship for the last year, she was back to her beloved job of teaching children, and yet she hadn't changed at all. Her eyes were still too big, blue and bright, her hair too wild, and her clothes were still the ones of a cartoon princess. She was even as loud as she used to be, and the guys were waiting for her to start singing out of the blue or dance in the middle of the airport. Not that they really cared too much. They had seen sad Jess, empty Jess, depressed Jess, when she thought she wasn't going to have any children or that Nick didn't love her and the baby enough... everything was better than that. In those long months she hadn't been their friend, she had allowed her true self to resurface only every now and then. They had missed her during those long few months, and they didn't want to see that person again. 

They ball-hugged her, and Winston even showed his powerness in the muscle department by lifting her up in the air like she was a ballerina. It was for his delight, but also because he just knew that Nick was going to grunt, and there was nothing funnier than an annoyed and grumpy Nicholas Miller. Even his daughter thought that, according to Jess' chronicles of little Lydia. Apparently the baby just loved peeing on her daddy, and was delighted by the teary sounds of annoyance and depression he used to make in such occasions. Nick was still a crier, even if right now it wasn't any longer because he had been dumped once again by Caroline, but because he feared his own blood didn't like him. 

"What? You hug her, you kiss her, and I don't get even an ehy man? Not even that? Your oldest friend" Nick told Winston, pointing a finger at him "and your best one? I am ashamed of you all, guys!"

"Ehy, c'mon, you know I've always preferred her over you. And, by the way? I know you still hate me for that time your old pa told us I was his favorite one!" Winston joked, grinning, and yet he patted Nick on the back, like the dear friends they all were.

Nick shook his head, and then turned to Schmidt, with a quoque tu, Bruto look on his face, pouting like a child. Now that he had gotten the "good to see you" treatment by Winston, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop-i.e. for Schmidt to give up. "Don't look at me that way, Miller, you know that by fornicating with Jessica you went against my wishes of sticking to the status quo and fathering her child. Right now, the only thing I want to hear from you is where I can find my delightful fiancé. And you better tell me now, or else..."

"Ehy, ehy, ehy, guys, be good. I need him in one piece and good looking, all right? No bruises in visible places!" Jess jokingly said, tsk-tsking with a finger before their eyes.

"What? No! No bruises at all!" he almost screamed, pointing his index finger both at his girlfriend and the two guys. "And anyway, first, it's not my fault if there is lack of communication between you and your girlfriend. Second, she is at our place. Lydia needed looking after. She doesn't like airports. I think she remembers when _her mother "_ he underlined the words, stretching them with fake or at least augmented hurt "tried to take her away from her daddy."

Jess grunted something not very lady-like, arms crossed and eyes rolled in the back of her head. Nick was really something. Right now he was a real lawyer-and even a good one - and back then they hadn't even been in a proper relationship. And yet, he still argued with her about this. She still wondered why. Fear, regret? She didn't know, and she didn't even really cared. What mattered to her was the here and now; concentrating on the past was just going to get them in troubles. After all, one of the reasons she had been so closed off to the possibility of a working relationship with her roommate/friend/man-of-her-dreams was what had happened with all her exes. And she wasn't going to make the same mistake again, nor she was going to allow him to think about it too much.

"Third, lift a finger on me, and I'll sue your ass, Schmidt. I am a lawyer, I know how it's done... " Nick told his friend, all smug and arrogant, showing on his new suite. It came out that sometimes working under someone else wasn't that bad, even if he guessed he had been lucky. When Jess had decided to stay with him, he had gone back to law school (strangely, one of the few things he had been good at), and in less than a year he had gotten his degree. After that, the decision of moving back to Chicago hadn't been actually that hard. Jess had finished her maternity leave and was supposed to be back at work, and now that he wasn't studying any longer and needed a job and working long hours to make his way into adulthood lawyer-like working life, even with daycare, taking care of the baby wasn't easy, especially when she happened to be sick.

Then, his father had died when they were still figuring things out, and his mum had been devastated. The old man had been many things in his life, but a cheater wasn't one of them. He had been since childhood with the one who had turned out to be his wife, and now, with both sons moving away from home and with families of their own, she was all alone in that big house. But as soon as she had seen Jess and took in her arms her grand-daughter, Nick saw a new sparkle of life and happiness in his mother’s eyes, and he had decided there and then to talk with Jess about it. They didn't talk about it with his family immediately, but they waited to know if there was any chance that Jess could get a job in Chicago, and yet, less than two months later, he had a place at a firm, working his way up from the bottom, she was teaching children again and they were living in his childhood home. That hadn't really been the plan, but Trudyhad insisted to be the one moving out, deciding to share a small apartment with a friend who had recently lost her husband too. And so, before they knew it, Nick's childhood room had turned into a nursery, the guest room into theirbedroom, his parents' room into the second bedroom (because there was just no freaking way he was going to have sex with his girlfriend in the same room where his parents used to. It was bad enough it was the same house, but it wasn’t like they could refuse the chance of no rent, no loan and no mortgage...) and Jamie's room into a study/office for the both of them. The attic was still used as a storage room, but he hoped to transform the place into another bedroom one day, if they were going to be lucky enough.

"He isn't listening to one word I'm saying, right?" Nick simply stated, looking at his friend's dreamy expression. He wasn't that surprised, though; Schmidt always had that expression whenever his lovely fiancé-aka CeCe- was even just mentioned.

"I'm sorry, but you can't understand with your small minds. Because, right here, right now? With my third eye, I am picturing CeCe holding our perfect half Jewish, half Indian child...." he told them, just to turn to Jess once again. "And remember, Jessica. I gave you this chance, but you let it slip through your fingers like sand on the seaside of Mombracem. Well, minus the half Indian, of course. Ours would have been half Jewish, half.... Oregon-ish? Is there where you come from? I am so sorry, but I never took care of memorizing such an useless information..."but his look told her he couldn't care any less. Back when he had met her, his only care had been getting to meet her model friend, and before he could understand what was happening, said model friend had turned into the sole center of his world. Many years later, it was still like that, and the two weeks CeCe had spent at the Millers' to help Jess with last minute details had been hell. At least, when they weren't dating he still had been able to see her whenever he felt like, with just an excuse. But being with her, living with her, and having her so far away, it was just an experience he didn't care repeating any time soon. Or maybe, never, ever, if he could have had a saying in it. 

Jess shook her head, laughing of that beautiful laugh they all loved so much, and taking both her friends for an arm, they moved towards the exit of the airport. She really didn't blame Schmidt for having his mind set on one topic alone, really. She could understand that. After all, right now she too cared only about just a bunch of things: her friends, the fact that they were finally together, all of them, and that in 24 hours they were going to celebrate her happiness. 

24 hours and all her dreams would come true: the daughter just like her, the cat and the dog, the house with the white fence. In 24 hours she was going to have the beautiful, caring husband too, and in few months, the son too.

Not that she already knew that it was going to be a boy, but she felt it too. Like she felt that somehow, Nick was already aware of this new, exiting development into their relationship. 24 hours and she was going to confirm his suspects, by refusing drinking pink wine and cheap champagne at her own wedding.


End file.
